Thank you ‘stine for filling in for me while I take a 2 week vacation from radio. She does Wake Up! a Friday morning 7-9 ET show on www.cfru.ca: http://www.nothingisfinal.com/
I’ll be back on March 7th with Sharon Lewis and “Managing Meltdowns”. I’ll be enjoying this time to focus on upcoming shows, workshops, projects, and more training and practice in Restorative Circles (http://www.restorativecircles.org/)
Aired: Sunday, February 14, 2010 || 8 to 9 am Eastern, CFRU 93.3 FM in Guelph
This Valentines Day we explore: What makes partnerships fulfilling and sustainable? What are the 6 roots of Attachment?
My guest, Susan Dafoe-Abbey is a seasoned registered marriage and family therapist and parent consultant. I am captivated by Susan’s compassion, warmth, and understanding for what matters most to families. I’m sure you’ll love her too.
Susan helps parents and teachers connect with and understand children. Many of her clients are parents of children or adolescents who are struggling with the expectations of family, society, school, or university.
Her early training was as a Gerontologist and Health Educator. Since then, she has authored more than 50 research reports, papers and CDs. Susan is a Faculty Member and Director of Research in the Neufeld Institute and an Authorized Neufeld Presenter and Practitioner. Since December 2008, Susan has recruited 26 Neufeld Directed Studies students. Currently, she is mentoring 25 people who represent business, teaching, psychology, family therapy, social work, police work, foster parenting, and adoptive parenting.
Susan maintains a private practice in her Guelph office with a focus on parent consulting in person, on-line, or by telephone. She combines theory and practice in the context of Dr. Neufeld’s attachment based developmental paradigm. She presents this paradigm at schools, mental health, community, and social-service agencies. Susan Dafoe-Abbey’s personal motto is “Life is about the people you love”. You can reach her at www.dafoe-abbey.com.
Cultivation of a Multi-Generational Community of Attachment: Susan Dafoe-Abbey, Wednesday, March 31, 2010, 7-9 pm at the Unitarian Congregation in Guelph. To register, contact Susan directly.
Relationship Matters: The Challenges of Parenting and Teaching Today’s Children: Dr. Gordon Neufeld, best selling author of “Hold Onto Your Kids”: Wednesday, May 19, 2010, 7-9 pm, St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church, Guelph. $19 advanced ticket sales only at various Guelph locations.
Aired February 7, 2010 || 8 to 9 AM Eastern, 93.3 FM CFRU.ca in Guelph
Co-Hosts: Wendy McDonnell and Sharon Lewis
Let’s assume we are naturally motivated to learn and grow. We are born to interact with the world and grow into our next best challenge. Tears and frustration are necessary for learning. As parents, how do we support our child’s own guidance system and intrinsic motivation? How do we support them and manage our own fears when our children are on a learning edge?
“Drawing from hundreds of studies, Kohn demonstrates that people actually do inferior work when they are enticed with money, grades, or other incentives. Programs that use rewards to change people’s behaviour are similarly ineffective over the long run. Promising goodies to children for good behaviour can never produce anything more than temporary obedience. In fact, the more we use artificial inducements to motivate people, the more they lose interest in what we’re bribing them to do. Rewards turn play into work, and work into drudgery.” from Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn
What are some of the alternatives to punishments and rewards?
1) Work with the relationship: we follow people with whom we are connected. Direct only when our child is ready to follow.
2) Appreciation: Specifically what did our child do or say, how do we feel, and what needs were met for mutual celebration.
3) Acknowledge and share what we observe: Notice something worked out well for your child. (Example: “When you practiced each night for two weeks, you figured out that new piece and played it confidently at the recital. That’s what I call determination.”)
4) Ask lots of questions: Any thoughts on how you’d like to handle that? What do you need to figure that out?
5) Natural consequences: (a) consequences not controlled by anyone (Example: stay up past midnight and feel sleepy for the next day=do less than expected on the test) or (b) living with the consequences of our behaviour (decide not to do homework=D on test or detention)
6) Focus on what we want, not what we don’t want: (Example: “What do I need to do to get that mark or participate in that program?” rather than “You better not skip school.”). Find out why doing something is intrinsically meaningful and important for your child?
Family Matters Radio 